The online world and (un)social media
Granted that I'm a guy that is a software developer and these days primarily focused in the online world I am happy to say that I haven't ever contributed towards what I am now calling unsocial media.
Yes its a bit of a whinge, OK you got me, its a lot of a whinge but its only recently that I'm realising, at least for myself, the world of social media is having quite the opposite effect to which I believe it was intended to be.
The internet I would say has done equal amounts of good and harm. Its brought people closer together, we can share things, ideologies, pictures, message relatives on the other side of this planet in seconds and maybe that is just where the problem starts.
It's as casual and easy as showing your relatives in Australia what you're having for breakfast that morning so we don't give it a second thought. We're no longer invested in the bigger picture as we're now in an on-demand age that a five minute wait for things is no longer acceptable. Boredom is not acceptable, and why should it be when there are a thousand things to do online, to indulge our whims? We now flit from one thing to the next because we can, because we don't have to put up with boredom and therefore do not have to make informed decisions on the minute to minute tasks that make up our daily grind.
Is this attitude now eeking into how we perceive and treat one another? Social media has made this planet a whole lot smaller. Definitely a good thing for finding long lost relatives thousands of miles away, but why can't I help but think that despite the internet making our world so much smaller, we as people can feel so distant from the person sat next to us. In such a connected world, the thing that is suffering and I don't believe everyone see's it, is us. Its the disconnection of humans in a world of connectivity.
Facebook
Yes, I am on Facebook. You may have come to this blog entry because of clicking on the link to it from my timeline or in a group I posted the link into. I've been on and off there over the years and its only just recently that I've realised how much its hooks are now into us and me especially. If I said I wasn't addicted to Facebook you would probably laugh at me and say I was in denial. I was on Facebook more than I should have been. I've now taken steps to minimise the amount of time I am now on there, on my profile. But I cannot ever become a 100% Facebook free zone. Its a great platform. Plus I'm a member of a few groups that only have a presence there. I value these groups more than I value the medium to which they are delivered to me but I cannot have one without the other. If they said tomorrow "OK we're just starting up a bulletin board" then that would work for me too. Primarily, group-wise there are the Woking Cycling Club (WCC) group (two of them which I am both in) and a group for singles. One cannot be compared against the other because they serve two very distinct purposes. I've made friends in both of them, in fact, I'm back in tonight from a very nice dinner at a friend's house whom I met because of the Cycling Club. So WCC's presence is very specific. In the end it is about getting out, meeting people and cycling.
The singles group
The singles group, again, I have made friends there also. Its an absolutely HUGE group with now over 700 members and with that many people I definitely cannot expect to get on famously with absolutely everyone. I can only be me as that's the person I am. I make no apologies as I don't go out of my way to upset or annoy anyone, but I can understand and appreciate that I'm not everyone's proverbial cup of tea and that's fine. Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent there a bit. 700 people and I've really gelled with less than 10. Its gone from online, to now meeting face to face as a group. The posts, messages have evolved into actual face to face interaction with another human. Not staring at a screen like I am right now while I write this and how you are as you're reading this.
Once the device is put away the person becomes a whole lot more real. We need more "real" in this world.
Facebook in my opinion has completely devalued the word "friend". If you are on Facebook, how many "friends" do you have? I like to ask someone for example, "OK you have 1500 friends. If you had the space, would you invite them all around to your house so they could see where you live?". I don't know about you but I'd need to spend some time with that person before entertaining that thought.
Yes there are some proper naughty people out there (going a tad cockney now Dave?) but I like to think for the most part we're pretty decent people just looking to make a connection and be social. Unfortunately, enough negative experiences and the what if's start to crop up in our heads. What if they're not genuine? What if they're not honest? What if they're not real? I've said it before and it is true in that a new person has to pay in some form for the negative stuff that's happened to another person because of behavior you had nothing to do with. It's human nature and it's something we have to accept and deal with.
There is a small group of us that I met through the singles group. We chat every day, we go out for meals, we share up's & down's. I never knew any of them a year ago, and I now consider all of them my friends. I've invited them round for dinner as I now have a table and chairs and can finally host people. Whats really nice about them is how we can vent and not be lectured. There is banter but there is always respect. No subject is off limits (well none that has been broadcast so far) so we're not treading on egg shells around one another in some kind of self imposed censorship. I'm grateful to the Facebook platform for these people I've gotten to meet.
I remember the first time I went to a singles event and it was a pub quiz. I can safely say that I wasn't at all calm in my car. It felt like the first day at secondary school again but I went in, I was made to feel very welcome and it went from there. The following week I went to the same quiz and it was so much easier.
Moving from the unsociable media world to the real world takes courage. We don't get to edit our answers before sending, we don't get to choose which is the best selfie to present to the world. It is us, right there, in front of people and you know what? The vast majority of people are good, kind and accepting. I'm not saying that we're perfect by any stretch, I definitely am not. If you're a good person, and I like to believe that you think you are (even though you're also very biased towards yourself) then don't hide away in the online world. Let us know you're there because we also deserve to know you just like you want to get to know us.
Yes its a bit of a whinge, OK you got me, its a lot of a whinge but its only recently that I'm realising, at least for myself, the world of social media is having quite the opposite effect to which I believe it was intended to be.
The internet I would say has done equal amounts of good and harm. Its brought people closer together, we can share things, ideologies, pictures, message relatives on the other side of this planet in seconds and maybe that is just where the problem starts.
It's as casual and easy as showing your relatives in Australia what you're having for breakfast that morning so we don't give it a second thought. We're no longer invested in the bigger picture as we're now in an on-demand age that a five minute wait for things is no longer acceptable. Boredom is not acceptable, and why should it be when there are a thousand things to do online, to indulge our whims? We now flit from one thing to the next because we can, because we don't have to put up with boredom and therefore do not have to make informed decisions on the minute to minute tasks that make up our daily grind.
Is this attitude now eeking into how we perceive and treat one another? Social media has made this planet a whole lot smaller. Definitely a good thing for finding long lost relatives thousands of miles away, but why can't I help but think that despite the internet making our world so much smaller, we as people can feel so distant from the person sat next to us. In such a connected world, the thing that is suffering and I don't believe everyone see's it, is us. Its the disconnection of humans in a world of connectivity.
Yes, I am on Facebook. You may have come to this blog entry because of clicking on the link to it from my timeline or in a group I posted the link into. I've been on and off there over the years and its only just recently that I've realised how much its hooks are now into us and me especially. If I said I wasn't addicted to Facebook you would probably laugh at me and say I was in denial. I was on Facebook more than I should have been. I've now taken steps to minimise the amount of time I am now on there, on my profile. But I cannot ever become a 100% Facebook free zone. Its a great platform. Plus I'm a member of a few groups that only have a presence there. I value these groups more than I value the medium to which they are delivered to me but I cannot have one without the other. If they said tomorrow "OK we're just starting up a bulletin board" then that would work for me too. Primarily, group-wise there are the Woking Cycling Club (WCC) group (two of them which I am both in) and a group for singles. One cannot be compared against the other because they serve two very distinct purposes. I've made friends in both of them, in fact, I'm back in tonight from a very nice dinner at a friend's house whom I met because of the Cycling Club. So WCC's presence is very specific. In the end it is about getting out, meeting people and cycling.
The singles group
The singles group, again, I have made friends there also. Its an absolutely HUGE group with now over 700 members and with that many people I definitely cannot expect to get on famously with absolutely everyone. I can only be me as that's the person I am. I make no apologies as I don't go out of my way to upset or annoy anyone, but I can understand and appreciate that I'm not everyone's proverbial cup of tea and that's fine. Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent there a bit. 700 people and I've really gelled with less than 10. Its gone from online, to now meeting face to face as a group. The posts, messages have evolved into actual face to face interaction with another human. Not staring at a screen like I am right now while I write this and how you are as you're reading this.
Once the device is put away the person becomes a whole lot more real. We need more "real" in this world.
Facebook in my opinion has completely devalued the word "friend". If you are on Facebook, how many "friends" do you have? I like to ask someone for example, "OK you have 1500 friends. If you had the space, would you invite them all around to your house so they could see where you live?". I don't know about you but I'd need to spend some time with that person before entertaining that thought.
Yes there are some proper naughty people out there (going a tad cockney now Dave?) but I like to think for the most part we're pretty decent people just looking to make a connection and be social. Unfortunately, enough negative experiences and the what if's start to crop up in our heads. What if they're not genuine? What if they're not honest? What if they're not real? I've said it before and it is true in that a new person has to pay in some form for the negative stuff that's happened to another person because of behavior you had nothing to do with. It's human nature and it's something we have to accept and deal with.
There is a small group of us that I met through the singles group. We chat every day, we go out for meals, we share up's & down's. I never knew any of them a year ago, and I now consider all of them my friends. I've invited them round for dinner as I now have a table and chairs and can finally host people. Whats really nice about them is how we can vent and not be lectured. There is banter but there is always respect. No subject is off limits (well none that has been broadcast so far) so we're not treading on egg shells around one another in some kind of self imposed censorship. I'm grateful to the Facebook platform for these people I've gotten to meet.
I remember the first time I went to a singles event and it was a pub quiz. I can safely say that I wasn't at all calm in my car. It felt like the first day at secondary school again but I went in, I was made to feel very welcome and it went from there. The following week I went to the same quiz and it was so much easier.
Moving from the unsociable media world to the real world takes courage. We don't get to edit our answers before sending, we don't get to choose which is the best selfie to present to the world. It is us, right there, in front of people and you know what? The vast majority of people are good, kind and accepting. I'm not saying that we're perfect by any stretch, I definitely am not. If you're a good person, and I like to believe that you think you are (even though you're also very biased towards yourself) then don't hide away in the online world. Let us know you're there because we also deserve to know you just like you want to get to know us.
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